What has happened to me? I no longer thrive...
I used to frequent the gym, have activities to fill up my weekends, hang out with friends, have enough money to spend for myself, was motivated and inspired to be do things, to go places, to grab each day by the throat and just suck every drop of juice out of it for me to savour.

Now I just let each day pass me by.
I go to work, do this and that without actually accomplishing much, go home, don't really go out after work anymore, hardly ever meet up with friends (kinda miss pae, nanie, apek, etc), paying the gym monthly fees just for the heck of it, I even have to do some quick budget calculation to buy my monthly collection of women's magazine... I'm just going through each day without much to look forward to. I'm just following the flow of life, not so much on living my life.

It's not because I'm so busy or just too tired. I'd love things to be the way they were before. To be free as a bird, to be spontaneous, to be bold and brave to meet life's challenges face to face. I want to be able to lepak at the mamak stall until midnight, doing nothing but just chat with friends as I sip my teh tarik. I want to be able to commit to extra activities during the weekends. Theater? Social services? Band practices? Whatever!! I just want to get off my ass and do something. You guys must wonder what's holding me back. Well, they are curfews, chores, "quality time" requirements, obligations, etc.... I'm not saying that where I am right now is a turn for the worse. But it would be nice to have a lil bit of freedom and get a lil bit of trust from people. I have been taking care of myself fine for the past, i dunno, 15 years. I think I deserve some credit.

I just wish these shackles on me would just disappear. They are not just weighing me down physically, but also bringing me down emotionally. :(

Oh My Goshh!! I haven't been blogging like... forever!! Dunno why but suddenly I felt like writing a bit in my blog which was so long forgotten.

Life for me is... how do I put this... different. I no longer live at my bachelor pad (ewah) and I now have real grown up problems (dont ask). My work is the same, keeps increasing. My life is the same, a rush with no end. My friends are the same, and I love them :), muahh! My love life, well, all huru hara. My financials, bad condition. My car, worse condition.

But all in all I'm great. Despite the car, the lack of money, etc... I guess I'm coping.

Apa nak cerita ye?

Oh yeah... yesterday was my birthday. The ## th. Hehehhe. People say age is just a number. I agree but what bugs me is that every year the number increases. And I always have goal, dreams, visions... to achieve something meaningful (to me) before I reach a certain age. Well, a couple of years more to go. Maybe I can still climb Kinabalu (can't even climb the stairs without huffing), and maybe I can try to learn scuba-diving some time this year (don't think I'll fit into any wetsuit though)... just gotta be positive. U huh...

It's really late already. Need to finish marking scripts... *sigh*. Will try to update my blog more often. But what is there to tell?