I'm in Bilik Kuliah 2 right now. There was supposed to be a lecture today, now! But when I arrived fashionably late (7 minutes or so), the lecture room was locked. I went up and down 3 floors to find the keys to the room sampai naik muscle kaki tp either the person I went to didn't have the keys or the person that had the keys was no where to be found. So around 15 minutes after I went down again to find the lecture room already open. Anyway, there were no students. A group of them were hovering about so I asked them whether they were supposed to attend my class and they said 'Yes'. The thing is, there are 3 lecturers teaching this subject. The main lecture theater which can hold about 400 students was where all the students had been. The lecturer assigned to that place didn't show up so all the students were waiting for someone to tell them which groups they were supposed to be in. And here I am waiting for them to be ushered this way. Tp rasa-rasanya today mmg dah tak sempat nak buat class. Ada lagi 5 minit lagi pun. Amir somehow managed to gather all his students into his class. I admire his work ethics, how he gets very organized, his determination, his ambition and so on. He is a perfect example of a good academician. I wish I was more like him but who am I kidding? I am me... I get work done in my own time at my own rate. I tabik spring la kat Amir. Insyaallah I'll change for the better. Next week I am gonna give it my all.

Okaylah, class is over. Gotta run. Someone else might be using this lecture room after this.

GOTTA GET ORGANIZED!!!

I have soooo much work yet time2 mcm ni la I can find other things to do besides actually doing work. Mcm masa zmn student dulu, bila exam dah looming around the corner, masa tu la I rasa mcm nak masak beria-ria, time tu la nak spring clean the whole house or do some gardening. I'll do anything and everything except the one crucial thing I was supposed to which is study. So now the penyakit is back. I am once again doing meaningless tasks just to get my mind away from the stress of the actual work at hand. Talk about being in a state of denial.

Students have been banging on my door non-stop for the past hour. I am trying to type as silent as i can (konon2 mcm i am not in the room la). The sign outside i dah set to "be back soon" meaning "ELLO?? ORG TAKDE KAT BILIK LA. BLH TAK DTG BALIK LIKE...NEVER". hehhehe. Sungguh tak student-friendly i ni. It's just that i'm behind in my work and need to siapkan everything atleast by 2pm today. So, i guess i'd better go. Malasnyaaaa!!! I dont know why lately ni my kemalasan dah menjadi-jadi. Maybe because i suddenly realised that there is life out there besides work. And I want to grab life by the throat and give it a throttle while shouting "why did u not come barging when i was staying late at the office? why did you just let me sleep my weekends away when my friends were out having fun? why did u not make me see that there is more in me than what I give myself credit for? why? why? why?" hehehhe...

I am swimming in work yet i am letting myself drown without a fight. It's not because I no longer have passion for teaching because I do. I love to impart whatever little knowledge I have to wide-eyed students who seem (i repeat...seem) to understand and find what I have to say is important and beneficial. I dont mind having students knocking on my door even when I have the "do not disturb" sign displayed...provided they have a legit, and good reason to do so. I believe this lack of interest in work lately is due to the fact that I am always tired, I lack sleep and my mind is always pre-occupied. To top it all, my 12 day break overwhelmed me with work that keeps coming during my absence. I am so disoriented...

Anyway, I just wanna share with friends out there. My dad got transferred back to KL. So it's bye bye Penang...hello again PJ. I grew up in Damansara. Then in 1993 my dad got transferred to Taiping. We stayed there for 8 years before he got another transfer to Penang. So now...it's back to where we started. It will be a nice change to live with my parents once more. I left for boarding school when I was 13 and have never really lived under my parents' wings since then. Now I can once more kiss my mom and dad good night before going to bed everynight. I'm their babygirl once again. hehehhe...

My dad has already started work. My parents are staying with me and Budi at Puchong. We will get the movers to pack and shift our stuffs from Penang early next month. Have to wait for the Dato' and Datin renting our house in Damansara to vacate it. We went to check on the house and my mom almost cried to see the state of it. We rented it out to them almost brand new because my dad had just done some renovations, repainted the whole house, added plaster ceilings, changed all the ceiling fans to those new high tech ones, changed the old wall switches to the cool big switches, added new chandelier, took out old wall lights and put in new ones, build new kitchen cabinets, polished the marble flooring and re-tiled the parquet, etc...etc... The house was flawless when we handed the keys over to the couple with 10 children (which they failed to mention to us earlier). Now the house is a disgrace. In those 2 years that they occupied the house they managed to make our house look like a run-down 30 year old house that hasnt been taken care of. How could one live in such a mess and be so irresponsible? So poor old daddy have to do some major fixing and repainting before we can move in.

Ok..thinking about the house is depressing me. So I'll end here today. Ni pun kira terror I sbb update back to back dgn semlm. Hehehehhe... am proud of myself.

ps: NHN, thanks for cheering me up when I'm down. Your presence makes the world a more bearable place to be in...

My stage days are over (for now *wink*). It was fun... i had a blast!! The experience is priceless, the kids were adorable, the crew was great and the show was outstanding! Kudos to Pak Laden Nuawi.

Now back to the real world. And this is where I have to take a deep breath to once again submerge myself in my work and my real life. It ain't pretty but that's how it is.

Lots of things have happened within these past 2 weeks. I dont even know where to start so I wont. Let's say that now that I have had 2 weeks out of office, the sun seems sunnier, the grass seems greener and my life seems to have much more meaning. Miracles does happen but I never thought that it would happen to me. How can I express myself without actually saying it out? It might just be a phase I'm in or a refreshing new me after an incredible event. Whatever it is, I hope that this feeling of exuberance will last. More from me later...