Am down with a horrible cold. Yet, I still refuse to go get an MC. I'm terrified of doctors. And my best friend Apek (a doctor) who kept telling me good things about the medical professionals hasn't helped me one bit. Am still scared and for all my life, I can't remember ever going to the doctor unaccompanied. Sometimes my mom had to actually go in with me. The only time I went in alone was for my medical checkup (for my Masters) and that too I had my support group (Pae and As) waiting for me outside. heheheheh.

Took another medical checkup (work related) yesterday and Budi went in with me. And the doctor I went to was my own cousin. Even though it was all family there (the receptionist was my cousin's hubby) I still felt weird and edgy. Persuaded my cousin to just sign my form without actually checking me but being the ethical and good doctor that she is, I got the most thorough checkup ever. Oh well, at least she's family.

I don't know when or why my phobia for doctors started. Maybe because as a child I have been admitted more than once and it was all a frightening experience for me and has scarred me for life. But then again, I should have grown accustomed to hospitals by now.

Anyway, there was this incident once where 'curiosity nearly DID kill the cat'. I was 6 and doing things that my parents specifically told me not to was my specialty. There was this box of pills in my mom’s bag that she told me and my siblings not to ever touch. I mean, if she hadn’t said that then I would not have noticed or even cared that the pills were so colourful and pretty. I would just have seen it like any other pills. But NO, not me! Saying “Don’t touch” was like aiming a spotlight and those neon arrows exactly towards them. Suddenly, obtaining the pills seemed like a mission to me. Don’t ask me why I was neurotic at this age but I just was.

And so, one fine day, my mom left her handbag unattended and lil’ me found the golden opportunity to find out what the fuss was all about. So I took a handful of the pills (mind you it was a small handful then) and downed it with a glass of water. My brother who was a year younger than me caught me in the act and threaten to rat on me so I offered him the pills. I made it sound like the pills were magic pills of some sort so he fell for my sales pitch and soon became my partner in crime (yes, I was THAT terrible).

Later that night, my dad woke us all up and interrogated all four of us into fessing up. My parents must have noticed that the pills supply had suddenly depleted. Anyway, I was mum (ye lah, org buat jahat mmg pengecut) but they managed to break my brother and he was all teary and apologetic so I had to confess too. We were rushed to the hospital and my brother who took 3 of the pills had his stomach content pumped out or something like that. I was outside listening to the commotion and I was damned terrified. So when the doctor asked me how many I consumed I sweetly told him 1 when I fact I took at least 5 or 6. So I got away with just the normal tap on the knee for reflexes and other routine checks. I was saved from the ordeal my poor brother went thru (and yes, I regretted being the cause of it all).

We were warded for 3 days. My dear mom stayed with us the whole time. I guess no matter how twisted your kids are, mother’s can never really be mad at them. I mean, I deserved a thrashing for what I did but instead she was there by our side 24/7 to tend to us.

Anyway, this might not be the root of my aversion for doctors but it was certainly one of the contributing factors. Maybe my brother’s cries that I heard had made me put up this defense mechanism in me to always see them as a threat. Heheheh… sorry to all doctors out there. Don’t take it personally but my past has screwed me up for life in that sense. It was a horrifying experience then but now my parents always look back and laugh at the naughty girl I was and glow at the woman I have turned out to be (or at least, aiming to become *grin*).

Last night a friend told me to just 'tamatkan riwayat' my blog because I update only like once a fortnight now. The thing is, I now no longer know or have any inspiration on what to write. Some say I'm emotional and compares me with other more informative blogs. It's not that I have been dispirited to continue blogging, it's just that I don't know what I'm supposed to write. I mean, nak cerita pasal where I went semalam ke? Ala2 make up some story about going to posh places and hanging out with the 'in' crowd. Hmm, or maybe to make it more interesting I could bitch in here *wink*. Come to think of it... bitching have been covered dah. hahahha!!

So, since my blog pun nama dia 'Haven for letting off steam!", then I'll do just that. So, kalau ada org ckp my blog ni mengarut then 'too bad so sad'. Am writing for my own pleasure. Ye la, living in KL can really give one a high-blood pressure. So this is my outlet to 'mengamuk' (often), pour out my sadness (at times) or just have fun babbling. So kalau my blog ni tak meng-entertain-kan any party then...tough!

Pernah I baca this one blog from this bugger, he was condemning blog orang lain. He said that some people like to write using bahasa rojak and that people write melalut-lalut without a point. And?? His point being??!! So what if 'we' (offenders) write ikut suka hati. This is not a graded essay pun. No one asked him to link 'us' or even put a gun to his head to paksa him drop by. Hey, to each his own la kan? Not that I ni jenis tak blh terima criticism but come on laaaa.... blogging ni bukannye a form of competition to see who is hip and happening or a test to check for grammatical mistakes and bad vocabulary. Just let 'us' be. Heheheh..eventhough the guy wasn't talking about my blog tp terasa la. I'm a girl, I'm entitled to being emotional at times (especially those once-in-a-month times..).

Wow!! I have been really uptight these past few entries. Need to loosen up a bit. I think it's the heat. Or maybe I'm the one yang in heat. hahahahahhaha. Just kidding. Don't take me seriously, my student's sure don't. :P