:D *Smiling from ear to ear*.

Handed in my dissertation. Felt like the weight of the world was suddenly lifted off my shoulders. Didn't sleep the whole night last night. Went to the MSc lab to at 11pm and stayed in the university till 3pm today. Nasib baik ramai org spent the night at the lab.

As soon as I handed in the report, sms-ed my dad. Felt ecstatically happy. Then decided to call home anyway... the excitement is just too great to contain. My mom was nearly in tears. I guess, she knows how insane I have been these past few months due to lack of sleep, hyper-tension..etc... And I think she is as glad as I am that finally I am over and done with it. Alhamdulillah... I couldnt be more thankful :D

It's already 3 in the morning. Need to update my blog.. tomorrow my internet access will be terminated. Would only be able to update again once I've settled down upon arriving in Msia. So, I guess this will be my last blog entry from UK. *sob sob*. Hope I would get to submit another entry tomorrow coz I really need to sleep now. Still lots of things to say.

ROAD TRIPPPPP!!!! yayy!!! Going to Birmingham with friends tomorrow. Sole reason is to go visit the Hard Rock Cafe there. Need to get a HRC tshirt for my dad. Planned to go to HRC Nottingham but decided against it because its too far. Penat la... Lusa nak kena naik flight balik dah. *happy happy happy*.

So, later people...

It's raining. Planned to go meet John for the last time before I hand in the real deal. Still lots of work to be done but I still have...hmmm...about 30 hours before I'd really have to print my thesis and bind it. 30 hours if I dont sleep even a wink. Slept only for 4 hours last night (or morning.. slept at 6.30am...). Wonder if I could lose weight from lack of sleep. I wish!!

New students are registering this week. Lots of fresh, eager faces. Hahahaha... they won't be so enthusiastic for long. You enter university with this glint of hope in your eyes, dream of independence, less responsibility, you now answer only to yourself... and you exit with bags under your eyes, independence? yes... but wasted by being cooped up in your room studying.. even more responsibilities that your shoulders start to sag, and now you don't even answer to anyone because you are either too occupied with your studies or just to groggy from lack of sleep. Hehehhe, dont let me scare you. Just a little heads up for you freshies out there.

Yeah, education is fun. I enjoyed myself to the max when I was in high school. Cool and crazy teenagers for friends, teachers who just try to hard to be taken seriously that they are actually funny, and not having to worry about anything else except exams make boarding school life a-okay for me. My undergraduate wasn't bad either. Freedom + increased allowance + set of wheels = party all night baby!!! Hehehhe... Alhamdulillah I managed to get through my degree despite all those missed lectures and datelines.

I remember setting foot for the first time in this foreign country. I was more homesick than scared of the new place. Now, not so foreign...:D Love the people, love the life, hate the weather.. End of this week I'll be heading back home to good old, sweltering hot, roadbully-infested, ridiculously priced cup of joe (in cafes la), friendly, lovely, beautiful country of mine.

The old Malaysian saying goes " rain stone in own country one, rain gold in people's country one, better in own country whaaat??" :P


Kuala Lumpur at night

Tgh saat2 kritikal thesis ni. Rasa mcm nak muntah pun ada, nak nangis pun ada, nak hantuk kepala kat dinding pun ada...

I'm so addicted to coffee nowadays. Not the classy roasted coffee beans kind but the traditional 'kopi hitam' from back home. This kind of coffee is really wicked... Good for the long nights, I can manage to stay up till 7am and sleep till noon. Ok what?? I do my best work in the still of the night (alamak, nostalgic lagu lama...). So agitated from this caffeine high.. Can't sit still on my chair for long periods at a time. Sometimes in the midst of typing my thesis I just stand up and break into a dance (depends on the song blasting from my laptop). I'm going psycho... I look like a wreck. Can't wait for this ordeal to be over.

Anyone out there know any good gyms in Klang Valley for me to join once I get back home? Need to get rid of this year old accumulated love handle (call it what I may but the reality is that it is just plain euuwwwww). Me and my buddy Asmadi is thinking of joining a gym. Got a wake up call this morning when I tried on my jeans which I bought last year and I can't even button it up. Help!!!!

Now when I look at the mirror it is always in a slow top to bottom glance. Here is how it goes:

--The hair...hmmm..needs a trim but is fine. Yeah, nice forehead... occasional zits but not enough to panic over. Ehem...ehem... eyebrows neat. Can beat Ziana Zain anytime with the eyebrow lifting thing. Ahhh, good eyes. Large and innocent-like. Very nice... Nose...hmmm, cant be helped but still goes nicely with face. Oh no... cheeks!!! What the **** is all that?? I thot those kind of 'cheeks' are supposed to be in a region somewhere below my belt. Man!! I could bounce of the Empire State building on those cheeks. Lips.. ok... chapped but vaseline would do the trick. Now chin. Chin?? Or is it more like chins??? Where does it end?? Oh no!!!! (and this is where I run away screaming).

I'm not conceited or anything like that but I do want to feel comfortable in my own skin. My confidence is diminishing as fast as the food on my plate. But for now, got more important matters to think about. Arrgghhh!!!

There is nothing one can say to someone who has lost a family member to lessen his or her pain. I know...
Sometimes, a silent hug means so much more than words. I know...
People say that the pain will go away in time but it doesn't. I know...

The pain will always be there
But so will the wonderful memories that you carry with you
The ache will linger on
But that only shows that the love is still in you.

Sometimes I pray that I would wake up to find that everything was just a bad dream. But it's not.
Sometimes I call out his name just to hear the sound of it at the tip of my tongue. But it just echoes unanswered.
Sometimes I hug him in my dreams and don't want to let go. But eventually I wake up with a tear in my eye.

A part of me died along with him
But the other half needs to live on for those who need me
People say life goes on and it does..

But I still bleed everyday
And my heart still cries silently.

"Moga Allah menempatkan dia dan semua muslimin dan musliman di kalangan orang2 yg soleh..."

Al-fatihah...

Ayah kepada Abdul Razak (Ajak) telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada 13hb September 2003. Semoga Allah swt mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya...

I'm wasting my time. Lots more to do and at this hour but I'm doodling a picture of the state I am in right now. Excuse the crudeness of the image, the mouse is not easy to handle. Am used to drawing with the tablet but my tablet (okay...okay... Asmadi's tablet, I borrowed) is already packed and ready to be shipped home. So am stuck with the traditional mouse. Anyway... this is me everynight for the past week!!!!



Must not sleep!!
Must keep on doing this.
Must finish by Monday..
Must stay awake..
Must not sleep..
Must do work...
Must not.....ZZZZzzzzz...

It's 2.30 am right now. Supposed to be doing some graphs for the analysis part of my work but can't seem to figure out how to do it using excel. I must sound pathetic but honestly I just can't figure out excel. Pae always rolls her eyes when I complaint that I don't know how to create a database using access or a spreadsheet using excel. She'd give me the "Oh, C++ pandai... benda2 simple macam ni buat2 tak reti.." But who's pretending? I really don't know. I even bought a "Learn access 97" book or some sort but never got around to finishing it. I hope none of my would-be students will read this because my credibility will be at stake... hahahaha!!!

I just bought another big box to pack the rest of my stuffs. Browsed through Amazon to search for last minute books on games programming. I love buying from Amazon. The books are promptly delivered and the packaging is excellent. I wanted to get some books before I get back to Malaysia because the books here cost less than in Malaysia. In Malaysia, I love spending time at MPH (Midvalley) but I can never find what I want. I'd either have to request for it to be ordered or they'd check to see whether other MPH branches carry the title. With Amazon, you just browse and select the title, provide your details your books will be delivered within 3 to 5 working days. Amazon keeps me up to date on the status of my order. They email me if the book is being ordered, despatched or expected to arrive and so on. It's not surprising that Amazon is one of the earliest and most successfull online business transaction site.

Well, back to the games programming book. Right now I'm doing my masters in Multimedia (specialize in Sound). I wanted to do games programming but my dean insisted I do sound. Since beggars can't be choosers, I agreed. What I really wanted to do was a masters in multimedia (games programming). After a year of slaving with waves, audios, fourier theories... I discovered that I have absolutely no interest in sound. :( This is the first important decision in my entire life that I did not get to do what I want. I have always decided to take the road less travelled because it feels right. It doesn't matter if the path is winding but atleast I am content with my decision. But now, I am in a real pickle.

Since my masters is in sound... my phd will undoubtedly has to be in the same line. See how this doesn't work for me? Anyway, I'm thinking of learning games programming on my own and maybe pursuing a phd in that field. This is a lesson for me. Don't ever agree to anything that I'm not happy with because my decision will affect my life and sometimes if I am too far along, I might not get a chance to turn back. As for now, there's still a leeway for me (or so I believe) but there is just no guarantee.

"If you love to draw and find solace in your drawings then become an artist even if it means setting up your easel by the roadside.
If you love to write poems and can express yourself through your poetry then become a poet even if the roof above your head are the stars at night.
If you love to teach and you are passionate on the knowledge you impart then become a teacher even if your wisdom doesn't surpass your student's
It doesn't matter that you are not famous,
It doesn't matter that you are not wealthy,
It doesn't matter that you are not proficient
What matters is how your decision defines 'living your life' for you... "
(MIS, 2003)

*sigh*

I have been neglecting my blog lately. Have been kicking back and relaxing these past few days. Plan to finish my dissertation, ready to be binded a week before the dateline. Plan to go to the midlands... visit Alton Towers, maybe visit some friends, go to Nottingham, Stratford UA, Oxford then London. Then back to Bath to hand in my dissertation. Pack my stuffs and then it's goodbye UK. I have these nice fuzzy anticipation inside my tummy... can't wait to be home but I will miss UK.

I walked to town alone today. It was nice, to have my thoughts all to myself. To savor the surroundings and to just enjoy the solitude. I took my time shopping, picked up a few things for my family. Bath is a small town. The Highstreet is just a short stretch of shops but they have everything there. Clarks, Disney, Laura Ashley, Marks&Spencer, Gap, Body Shop... everything! It is convenient to find everything under the sun.

The first thing that tourists will notice once they set foot in Bath is the fact that all buildings seem to date back since the the Roman times. Well, this is what it seems but actually some buildings are new. If I'm not mistaken, there is law that states all new developed buildings must use the same material as those constructed during the Roman and Georgian times. All buildings use the special 'Bath Stone', a yellowish coloured limestone which is quarried in areas near Bath itself. That is what makes Bath special because it mantains its identity. Stepping into Bath feels like stepping into a different time where modernization is unable to take over. Bath is just beautiful.

So, my one year in the UK is coming to an end. My friend Idlan has another 2, 3 years to go? She is one tough chick. I dunno if I'd survive that long, away from my family, and remain sane. I am even thinking of doing my Phd locally but UM will never allow that. We'll see...

15 days till I'd have to hand in my dissertation. 24 days till I'd be saying goodbye to Bath which has been my home for the last 12 months.

Will miss: The people in Bath. They are so warm and kind. Always generous with their smiles.
Will not miss: The cold nights. Is this still summer or what? Or is it fall already? I dunno... but having to wear socks to bed is just not something I fancy.
Will look forward to: Night life in KL. What I mean by night life is not the clubs or pubs but the mamak stalls (or sidewalk cafe... a fancier way of saying it..:P)
Will dread: Teaching students because kids are just too smart these days... what else is there for me to teach?.. heheheh.
Will resume: My frequent trips to the movies. I miss the cinema back home.
Will avoid: Pesky people asking me when will I get married since I have already finished my study. Studying has always been my number one excuse for not walking down that lane.
Will start: Going to the gym (yeah, right), learning the guitar (since no guy will serenade me, I'd learn to do it myself :P)
Will stop: Bitching about people. My new motto "Speak no evil, speak no evil, speak no evil"-- Well, we can't really control what we hear or see ,now can we...:D

I love my life...

"These are the moments, I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'd remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more..."

(My personal theme song for convocation 2001)

Lama tak update my blog. The reason being nothing out of the ordinary happened. Flight bound for Malaysia on the 26th Sept. Kena start kerja on the 29th Sept. Logik ke tak logik my universiti ni? Org baru sampai, mamai2 lagi... dah kena kerja. Tp I should be counting my lucky stars. Orang lain tak tentu dpt kerja lagi, and here I am complaining about it. I'm thankful I have a job waiting, just wished I could get some time off to recuperate from sakit buat thesis nanti. hehhehehe.

Anyway, lots of things to settlekan once I get back to Malaysia.

1. Sign up EPF. Dah 2 thn my EPF tak masuk sbb my employer lupa nak kasi I borang sign up utk EPF. So I'm not registered.
2. Langsaikan bill Tmtouch. Tmtouch ni pun satu. Org dah hantar surat suruh terminate account bila nak dtg sini, diorg buat donno jek. Pastu pergi charge org monthly access fee. Tension betul.
3. Langsaikan hutang Telekom. heheheh.. ini dah lama tergendala. :D nasib baik diorg buat senyap.
4. Bersihkan interior kereta sbb lama sgt duduk kat dlm garage. Sure dah naik fungus. Service kereta. Thanks papa for looking after my car and tolong tukarkan battery dia, cat lain (purple pun purple laaa..*sigh*), betulkan sound system...etc...
5. Langsaikan credit card bills (never ending story)

Hmmm...byk pulak benda kena langsaikan ni. Scary ni. Anyway, I'll handle it when I get back nanti. As of now, I have something even more taxing to my brains to think about. God help me!!