I miss my dad...

How did he do it? How did he manage to finish his Masters in the USA while entertaining the whims and fancy of four demanding children? How did he manage to support a family just on his scholarship? My dad is certainly extraordinary. He did all that gracefully. He is amazing!

Now, fast forward 20 years later, here I am. Doing my Masters, single, on scholarship. I don't have any commitments, I don't even have an extra mouth to feed... this should be a breeze, shouldn't it? Well, it's not. I marvel at my dad. How?? How did he do it? For me, money is tight ... study is difficult... life is tough... where did I go wrong? Maybe it is normal for students to be in my situation when studying overseas. Maybe my dad was an exception... I'd like to think of it that way.

Sometimes it is funny how a simple (or maybe not so simple) decision could turn my whole life around (or apart). I have always relied on my first instinct because it hasn't let me down (where it matters anyway) so far. During my schooling years where multiple choice questions are supposed to be a cinch, I always messed up. I even failed a 50-question history exam once when I was in form 3 and I was the only one to fail it in the whole form. It wasn't because I didn't know the answer. It was because I contemplated too much and didn't trust my gut feelings. In other words, I put in too much thought in the answers that I was twisting everything around and a simple problem seemed like an trick question to me. Anyway, the moral of my story is that... after that incident, I always put down the first answer that came to mind. Yeah, I always managed to find a reason to argue with myself but I stuck to my instincts. Sometimes I got it wrong, sometimes I got it right. But the difference is that, when I got it wrong, I didn't beat myself up over it too much because I stuck with my decision. It's difficult to explain... But I'd rather be wrong with my first guess than knew I had it right but went anyway with the second one. Some people might ask "what if I found out that my second guess was right but I just didn't listen to myself?" Well, everything we do bear consequences and the "I knew that was the answer" would haunt me but atleast I believed enough in the voice inside me (not in my head :P) to stick to it. Ok...ok... I know I might be babbling but you'd understand if it happened to you.

Well, in many cases I have always followed my heart and not my head. Some say I'm foolish and some say I'm emotional but I just say it has gotten me through so far... If someone would have asked me what's my secret to getting a degree and not going crazy in the process, I would have said: "it was because I put my studies third".

It has always been: my family - my friends - my studies - everything else (in that order)

I don't believe in the "put your studies before anything else" crap. My family takes first place in my list of priorities. I'd give up my life for them, much least my studies. I'd cut classes to attend family functions, miss datelines to answer my sibblings' emergency calls and give up my sleeping hours to study if my waking hours are occuppied with just me and my mom talking on the sofa... Because that is what I'd remember when I get all old and wrinkly and drinking hot milk while my dentures soak in a cup (I know... gross ...hihihi). I'd remember all the good times I had spent with them. all the laughs we had together. I won't remember the Fourier Theorem, I won't remember who Babbage or Djikstra was...heck, I won't even remember what grades I got... but I would remember how proud I made my parents feel and how I didn't have to push them aside to do just that.

I guess I might be playing with fire because I dare to risk my future for a late family barbeque when I have exams the next morning but I just don't see it much of a future if I'd have to miss out on my family. As much as my family would understand if I did and would always be behind me to support me, that is not what I want... Because I'd want them to be right there with me...:)

Today (this whole week actually) is just one of those days... Don't feel up to doing anything but spirit-wise, I have improved. More motivated to think about doing my thesis but not motivated enough to actually start doing it.. hihihi..

What is a blog? online diary? public journal? When I started writing, I thought this would be the place where I just share with people the happenings in my everyday life. And I think that was what I did at first. Then, as I went along I started to pour out my insights, my feelings, onto this public canvas. It was fine for a while... I felt that it was a good way for me to unburden some thoughts. But then, it got me thinking... what do people look for when they go into a stranger's blog site? Do they actually want to read about what the stranger had for breakfast or why the stranger felt shitty at work? Do these journal browsers want to read about what these writers think about the current political situation in the world or which football team he/she supports for the Premiership *wink*... Tell me, what do we all expect when we go to someone's online journal?

Well, as for me... I look for sincerity. I like it when a writer writes it as it is... And I wish I could do the same. I am always very aware of what I am writing and who I might be writing for. Sometimes I feel that I can't trully express myself well. Maybe I should have a seperate journal just for me.. (That is what the pink diaries with locks on them for...duhhh!!??) Heheheh..

Believe you me that if I am writing just for my benefit, I'd have a lot more to say... ;)

Today is my mom's birthday...

To my dearest mama, happy birthday! I love you with all my being. May Allah brings you all the happiness that life has to offer. You are my friend, my mentor and my confidante. I love you, ma...

Dah malas cakap mat salleh...nak cakap melayu pulak :D.

Semlm tgk fame academy 2... adik2 beradik akademi fantasia. Tp fame academy 2 ni yg version utk UK punye. Best... hehehe.. I have this thing about reality tv. Suka sgt. I started masa siri Survivor baru keluar dulu.

Sanggup bertapa depan tv every friday night. Kawan2 ajak keluar pun I buat donno jek. Kalau I nak balik Penang lepas ofis, sanggup bawak kereta mcm nak terbang sbb nak kejar Survivor which aired at 11pm. And kalau dah start Survivor... semua org kena stand back coz the tv would be all mine. Dah la masa tu my family semua tak faham what it was about so I was the only one watching, bersorak sorang2. Heheheh.. It was funny. My dad pulak didn't believe that ada orang sanggup berlapar and menyusahkan diri macam tu sekali. He didn't believe that the camera crew tu sanggup tengok je the participants berlapar. "Sure ada cameraman hulur coklat ke burger ke kat diorg tu..." Heheheh..my dad and his theories... Elok2 survivor Thailand nak start, I had to fly to UK pulak. Sedih sgt...

Another one yg I tgk masa in Malaysia dulu was the show (lupa lak name dia) yg pasal askar2 lawan each other in groups. That was cool too. Dtg UK ni pulak, byk sgt show of that kind sampai dah tak terlarat nak tgk. My recent favourite while in UK was Big Brothers. Every ptg I watched the updates and malam2 pulak the live feeds. Dah jadi addicted satu macam. Then tgh best tgk Big Brother, I balik Malaysia utk cuti sekejap... and at that time in Malaysia ada siri Amazing Race.

It was about couples berkejar merata dunia. Best jugak. Yg I terkejut was that my whole family was into Amazing Race. My mom, my sisters and even my niece. I had to fight for my place in front of the tv this time around. Kelakar je. Tu laa... masa I minat survivor semua org tak minat. Anyway, my dad still didn't buy the whole reality tv thing. Heheheh...

Apa la I ni? Ingat nak tulis proper Bahasa Melayu but tercampur aduk pulak. Sorry la to those yg can't stand this rojak2 writing. Kalau I tulis proper BM nanti bunyi terlalu text-bookish pulak.

Ok..ok... I noticed that many have accessed my blog in search of Ronaldo's pictures. So, to those who are looking for tidbits on him... I can only offer you these two pics (taken from from ManUtd and Soccernet...i think). So enjoy!

Hey...it's a brand new day and I'm still feeling sluggish. Didn't do much but I still have to meet my supervisor in about 4 hours' time. Tensionnyeeee!!

Ok, flashback to 9 months ago...
1. I didn't like football (soccer to some).
2. I don't even know how many players are in a team.
3. I only know 2 clubs..Manchester Utd and Liverpool...(who doesn't?)
4. The only players I know are Giggs, Beckham and Owen.
5. I roll my eyes everytime people start talking about football.

Now...
1. I actually know the difference between a penalty and free kick. (whoaaa... I'm that good now!)
2. Duh??!! There are 11 players on a football team...
3. Arsenal, Chelsea, West Ham, Everton, Leeds...etc...not forgetting Real Madrid, Juventas, AC Milan, Barcelona...heheheh...
4. Beckham who?? Sorry...that is soo last week. Nistelrooy, Christiano Ronaldo, Wes Brown (personal favourite), Gary Neville (another favourite)..etc..
5. Football? When?!? Which channel??! Who's playing??!!

Well, credits to my drastic change given to the football chick -- Nurul. Her non-stop ranting on football has made me addicted. No, I still can't understand why an 'offside' is so..(too complicated) but I can actually sit through a 90 minute game. I don't know if my interest will be permanent or just a phase I'm going through while I'm residing in this football-aholic country but I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Yesterday was the start of a new season of the Premiership League. Too bad I don't have Sky TV so I don't get to see the games but I do watch the highlights.

Ok, enough about football...more about me! Nothing to say. Did some packing and found out that I need to repack my stuffs in a proper, larger box. This is such a hassle. I wish my mom was here to help me. My idea of packing is just fitting as much stuffs in a luggage, as long as the luggage doesn't burst. But now I have to bubble wrap stuffs and line each one with cloth....arrgghhh!!! This is tiring!!

Well, I promised myself I would do some work today. Will finish the FM synthesis program tonite and start doing the additive synthesis by tomorrow. A bit behind in my schedule but haven't reached the 'PANIC' stage yet. Hmmm...maybe I'll play this cool game I found on the internet before I start. hehehhe...

Well, I watched the news this morning and surprise, surprise... New York is experiencing a blackout. The reason is not reported yet. I wonder what's happening there. They suspected terrorists are behind it (like everything else, or so they say). Anyway, not having electricity is a big deal. It leaves you defenseless and vulnerable. I hope they rectify the situation soon. Don't want anymore chaos in the world than there already is. And hate it when people starts pointing fingers and people are prosecuted without being given the benefit of the doubt. Nowadays, these politicians are living by the altered rule of "guilty until proven otherwise". I don't want to say more on this. Politics are always dirty... keeping it clean in politics is an oxymoron.

I have started packing some stuffs. I can't believe I have managed to accumulate this much stuffs in less than a year. And some of the stuffs I bought are sooooo cheap that come to think of it, the shipping cost would be more than its actual value. Is it worth it? I have lots of books to bring back and that...I like. I love books. I love all kinds of books. Back home in Malaysia, I wrapped the cover of each one of my books and shelved them up neatly. Even my Archie's comics are covered in plastic. I'm obssessed with them. But..aahhhhhh, owning books doesn't mean I have read them all front to back. I have this habit of reading only the essential parts (or so I assume) and skipping the rest. I didn't get through LOTR because I saw the movie first and when I got around to borrowing the book from Pae, I realised that the movie skipped some parts. And so that was how I read it. Whichever part that wasn't in the movie, I skipped. I'm gonna go back and read the book again... I'm gonna re-read all the books again. I gotta stop this habit. My english is not gonna get better by my 'speed-reading'.

Ok... I gotta stop now. I'm off to town. Nurul is here. She woke up at 11.30 (applause!!!!)... hehehhe.. Nurul has this thing with talking to our stuffed animals and that thing is catching on to me. Yup, now I am actually holding a two-way conversation with my teddy. Too much schoolwork actually have this affect on people sometimes :P... Later...

Hmmm...since many have asked me what TOW means... lemme explain here. I am and avid 'Friends' fan. And if you are one, you'd notice that each episode starts with 'The one with...'. For example - "The one with the nanny", or "The one where Ross kissed Rachel" and so on. So, I wanted to pinch that style but shorten it so I opt for TOW = the one with/where/when... Hmmm, hope I make sense. Anyway, to those who asked, I hope this answered your wondering..:D

Yesterday, Bath University server was heavily bombarded by the Blaster worm!! I hope I wasn't affected. I'm not sure because so far everything works fine except for the slow connection experienced yesterday. But that was because I am on the Residential Network and that network is affected. Hope my machine is healthy...coz I am not protected :P. I know... I know... what kinda computer person am I without an antivirus. I do have one, it's just that I haven't been able to update it since my license has expired. Will renew... once I have the spare cash. As of now, I'll just have to rely on whatever immunity my machine has... hahahahah!! *sigh*

I just chatted with Ira. She was my classmate and bandmate. Yes, I was in a band. Not the head-banging, jamming kind, mind you. I was a trombone player in a proper marching/orchestra band. And I am proud of it too. I was one of the 'Sekolah Tun Fatimah bandgirls". Anyway, Ira told me that our instructor, Sir Azharrudin, has resigned. He has been with the band for 14 years and one's patience can only last so long. My dear school has always been ungrateful to him after so much he has done. I don't want to say too much coz it is my school. But, give the guy a break... he has a family to support. And the band makes a lot of money... Well, I'll just leave it at that.

I miss playing in a band. It gives me a sense of belonging. But, it was not always all rosy... I had to work really hard and it was worse for me because I only joined the band when I was in form 4. At that time, my batch was already seniors and I was an insignificant junior. So, here I was getting orders from my peers and I just don't take well to getting pushed around. My section leader was my math classmate, Mardiana aka Mardeque... She is nice but really strict. Outside of band, I always picked on her and she always took advantage of the fact that I am a junior in band.

Me: Mardeque, luar band jgn nak eksyen dgn aku la...hehehhe.
Mardeque: Takpe Masi... takpe..
Me: Ape lak?
Mardeque: Ade ubi ade batas... nanti band aku balas..!! hahahahah..
Me: (Screaming, asking for mercy and forgiveness...heheheh)

Mardeque is a real gem. She was a good teacher and friend (and slave driver and tormentor..:P). Anyway, I miss the band, I miss the songs, I miss my school life where I had no worries except for SPM and even that was not as exhausting as my thesis now. Well, as a true STF bandgirl.. I'll keep my head up high and live by the motto of "Spirit, solid, smart!"


Sir Azhar and the band
Picture courtesy of STFBandAlumni

Hiya. Lately I haven't felt too eager to update my blog. Dunno why. Maybe it's because I have soooo many other things to do.

Wan read my blog and as expected... she shed a tear or two (actually, she was almost blubbering..hehhe). I didn't mean to have that effect on people but I guess she is so much like me in some sense that she understands what I am saying and can relate to my writing. We both adore our family more than anything else. We are both in denial when it comes to our thesis. And so on.... She was my classmate when I was in the American Degree Program. We had so much fun. She was a good friend because she lets me do what I want. Hehehehe... I was a slacker but she made sure I slacked within limit. As long as I knew what I was doing and manage to do well in my studies, I never heard a hoot from her. That is my kinda friend. Can't stand these goody-goody two shoes who think they are great and right. I mean, it's my life... let me live it my way. Wan is a friend who pulls me close when I have drifted too far.. but besides that, she just keeps an eye on me. Thanks Wan... :D Oh...yeah, that's her on the right. heheheh... I am sooooo gonna get in trouble for putting her pic here.

Hmmm, what else to babble?? Nothing much happened today. I'm socially inept hence nothing to tell. I'm yawning my head off right now and it's not even late. I think I should start sleeping at regular times like normal people. (Right hand raised... oath taking) "I promise to start organizing my life, to start eating healthily, to start doing my thesis consistently, to start gossiping less (ehemm...to those who may concern :P), to stop sleeping and start living..." hehehhe.

Oh well... I might as well sleep. Maybe I'll call my mom before I hit the sack. Must remember to get my life in order... must remember to get my life in order... must remember...oooohhh...movie about to start on tv...cool movie... oppss, whut? where was I? must remember what again??? hmmmm......

Wow!! I didn't update my blog for yesterday. That's a first. I did fiddle around with it, trying to figure out how to include a chatbox but I must have forgotten about my entry. Anyway, the chatbox is not up yet... no rush... no one reads my blog anyway... so I'd get one lonely, empty chatbox even if I do have one. Hehehehhe... no worries.

Went out the whole day yesterday. Friend had a barbeque which was great (eating is always great!!!). We spent almost 3 hours just sitting around listening to ghost stories and mind you, these stories were all first hand experiences from the people there. Abang Jeffry had the most to share. According to him, his grandma said he is more vulnerable to seeing ghosts because he has light brown circles around his iris and that is an indication to whether a person is 'gifted'. Hehehhe... thank God for my dull, unexciting eyes. Anyway, his stories did make me think twice about leaving my windows open last night. It was freaking hot but I only left my windows half open. Better safe than sorry. I might not have thee eye but I sure dont like the feeling that 'something' is there watching me even if I can't see it.

Anyway...more to come afterwards. Gotta go get ready for the carboot sale. Me buying...not selling...:D

The heat is unbelievable!! Even Malaysia is not as torturing. The sun is merciless... and the worst thing about these british accommodation is that they do not include any air-condition or even a simple ceiling fan for these kind of sweltering weather.

Anyway, I met John just now. He was nice, as always. He seemed kind of concern with me lagging a bit behind in my work and that made me even more anxious than I already am. I am aware of the severity of my whereabouts concerning my thesis's progress and I AM working hard but some things don't come easy for me. Computers I can handle... weird, long, technical calculations I take longer to comprehend. Well... I am giving it my all now. I just hope my all is good enough.

On a happier note, I have managed to figure out how to include pictures in my blog. Hehehhe... I know this is no big deal to some but hey, when they (Blogger site) said that you can only upload pics if you sign up for Blog Pro, I thought there was absolutely no way to do that or that it was illegal and a breach of agreement or some sort. Then I discovered that most people have pics on their site so...hey presto!! so does mine now!!

Dunno what pic to put in here so I'll just start of with a pic of my lovely niece Alia. This girl is adorable and such a sweetheart. I remember once she was asking about boy. She was only over 3 at that time.

Alia: Auntie Ayu, kenapa Yaya tak pernah jumpa uncle Boy?
Masi: Sebab uncle Boy dah tak ade.
Alia: Uncle Boy pegi mane Auntie Ayu?
Masi: Uncle Boy pegi ermm.. syurga. Uncle Boy dengan Tuhan.
Alia: Syurga to ape?
Masi: Syurga tu tempat orang yg Tuhan sayang pegi.
Alia: Ohhh...(long pause).. auntie Ayu, syurga tu bukan yang manis2 tu ke?

And that was when I burst out laughing and hugged her so tight. She was (and still) so sweet and innocent. Mind you she was 3 years old so I didn't want to explain to her too much too soon. But here she was teaching me a thing or two. She thought I was referring to sugar. And come to think of it, I believe that Alia was right when she thought Boy was somewhere sweet... :)

Didn't go to meet John (my supervisor) today. No particular reason. Will go on Friday, hopefully, more prepared. This thesis thingy is harder than I thought. I'm beginning to get this squirmy feeling at the pit of my stomach as the dateline looms nearer (or maybe it was from the laksa I had for 3 days straight :P). Anyway, when reality starts to set in, I get palpatations and shortness of breath. Yes, it is that close!! And yes... it is THAT scary!

Tomorrow I have a job interview. It is for the post of a... erm.... trading place hygiene controller (the fancy name for it). Go figure :P. Anyway... me and Nurul find it a good way to make money as well as a good reason for us to wake up earlier every morning. The plan is:-

7-9: Work
12-6: Thesis
9-3: Thesis

That's the plan... If we could pull that off, we should be able to get our lives organized (normal waking hours), have food on the table (money=food) and complete our thesis without choking at the end (if only it was that simple). Anyway, the plan looks good. Whether it will be put into motion... that is yet to be reported.

Ok. I think I'll end this entry with a little impromptu rhyming babble from me.

"As I walked towards the far horizon
I faithfully followed the winding pathway
I prayed my shoulders could carry my burden
And that my steady steps will never sway."
(MIS, 2003)

That is all from me. "In case I don't see you... good morning, good evening and good night!!" (The Truman Show).

My internal clock has gone haywire. Can't seem to stay awake during normal hours like a sane person. Try as I might, I work best at night. Wait...wrong... I work ONLY at night. My brains cease to function during the day. It's like it has its preset timer where it switches on to working mode once the sun goes down and reverts to a vegetable state when the sun rises. If only I could use my brains during the day, I might actually get more work done.

I have resorted to being a hermit nowadays. My weight has rocketed due to my lack of movement...:D. I'm going to get control of my life once this thesis phase is over. As for now, my social life is non-existant.

Well, I should really be getting to sleep. Need to wake up early tomorrow to go meet my supervisor. I dread to see him and this time the anticipation is worse. I haven't met up with him for 3 month. Arrghhhh!!! And to think I haven't got much done in those 3 months. But no worries... Insyaallah I'll make sure all goes well. Don't want to start regretting the 'ifs'. "If only I had started earlier.. If only I hadn't picked that ridiculous topic...If only...If only...". I'll make do. I know Allah frowns on me for procrastinating :( and I have no excuse. May Allah forgive me and guide me in completing my thesis.

Wrapped presents for my supervisor and head of department. Will give then tomorrow. No!! It's not a bribe!! Heheheh...it comes straight from the heart :D. From where I come from we call them...ermm...a token of appreciation. And hopefully...those tokens will obscure all my shortcomings. Nope..not a bribe people..:P.

I'm gonna go now. And Nurul...if you happen to read this at the wee hours of dawn..."You go girl!!!"

I think I'm getting the hang of this CSound stuff. Suddenly, it doesn't seem so alien to me anymore. Even so... a LOT of work still to go. The hard parts over (which is to actually start), now I'll just take it one day at a time. Insyaallah I'll get by.

Don't really feel like writing much tonight so this will be a short one from me. I was searching for my notes and I found some old cards from my family and friends. Also among them was the last picture of all four of us together, my sibblings and I. That picture is now up on my board where it should be. I remember exactly the picture taking incident. My sisters, Abg Aza and I was supposed to go to Penang to get pizza and boy was to head to the burger stall where he helps out his friend at night. We were all rushing to get places but my mom stopped us and insisted that we take a picture together. "No. Don't go yet. I want to take a picture of all of you together. It has been a long time since I took one of you all". So we piled onto the sofa and boy did his famous dive onto the sofa, behind me and we were in high spirits that night. All smiles were sincere and our happiness and contentment showed on our faces. I'm glad mama made us take that picture. That was the last we had of us together. We had it all at that time. We had each other.

I shouldn't have started to write about this. Now it will be on my mind until I close my eyes tonight. It is not that I don't want to think of him because I do, every minute of the day. It is just that the pain will never go away and with every memory the wound bleeds again. You know what? When the person is there within reach... you can always find little faults to pinpoint. But when the person is gone, all those small things doesn't matter anymore because all you'll remember is how good that person made you feel. As for my brother... he never had any faults. He was my best friend. We shared this special bond that is difficult to explain. It was a quiet understanding of each others feelings, thoughts and concerns. We never needed to voice out any of it because we could read it through each others' eyes.

I don't talk much about him to others. I feel that his memory is sacred to me. Now, I always take the time to tell my family how much I love and care for them. It just feels good to tell people how you feel because I don't ever want to feel this ache again. The ache in my heart from rarely telling my brother how much I care and look up to him. Eventhough I know he knows it because the feeling is mutual... it is just not the same. I am glad that I am more generous with my love and feelings now.

If you sometimes feel that the world is just whizzing by you, take time out to remind yourself of what is important to you. Never let the chance pass you by. Never forget that love ones won't be there forever. Never take things for granted. Never let yourself regret the misses in life. Never put off saying "I love you".

"Always set your target on the star within your reach. When you have grabbed that star, set a higher target and grab that new star. And then grab the next star, and the next...and the next."

Last night I was staring out the windows at all these beautiful stars. It was so beautiful and it made me wish that I was outside, lying on the grass, my hands behind my head... and just taking in all the beauty. I remember when I was a little kid, my mom always made me cut my hair short. I wanted my hair to be put up in a ponytail but my mom preferred her daughthers to have short and neat hair. No matter how much I tried to persuade my mom to let me grow my hair long, she always had these sensible arguments. But in my little heart, I wanted long hair. It may seem trivial to some but it was all I wanted at that age. And so, every time I had a chance to be outside on a starry night, I would look up the sky and set my eyes on the biggest star in sight.

"Star light, star bright.
First start I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might
Get the wish I wish tonight."

And with that I would wish with all my heart that my hair will magically grow longer in a night so that I would be adorned with long, locks of hair the next morning. And I could swear, that sometimes that particular star seems to twinkle in response and everytime I'd ended up believing that "This time it will happen." And every morning it didn't. But I never gave up hope and kept on wishing until I was about 10. By that time... other things started to take priority over my hair so eventually, I moved on to bigger things. But I never forget the feeling of serenity and hope and belief that engulfed me everytime I look up that sky. And last night, as I looked up and searched for my star, I recited the same poem I had so long forgotten. But this time, I no longer need to wish for long hair or beautiful petticoat dresses. This time I just recited a quiet prayer of hope, of dreams and of thankfulness to God. Gone were the little girl with short hair. Now a lady with so many things to be thankful for and many pursuits to strive for.

The stars didn't make my hair longer. It gave me hope. And now when I seem to have forgotten, the stars are there to remind me. There will always be hope, there will always be dreams... as long as I believe. :)

How time flies... It's now almost midnight. Funny, I haven't managed to finish what I set out to do this morning (yeah, right...not so funny!). Oh well, that is another job to bring forward to tomorrow and add on to my list of unfinished and will-never-get-around-to-doing tasks. Decided to key in my blog entry a bit early tonite. Nothing much to say as always...

Called home. It is always great to hear my dad's and mom's voice on the phone. The reason I called was because I got an sms from Budi (my sister) asking me to call home. And yup, my instincts were right, her guy friend has just left for KL so she is moping around the house and needs to pour out her feelings to someone. Since my elder sis is away doing her Umrah, she is left with me to advice and comfort her lonely soul.. (hahahahahha!!! me??!!). Being the concerned and thoughtful (NOT!) sister that I am, I started out by asking her how she was and all and ended up asking her to put my dad on the phone so that I could gossip about her to my dad. Heheheh... Budi was all giggly and whispering under her breath, trying to seem calm (my dad was in the room). If my dad knew what we were talking about, man... she would be in for a huge teasing. My dad just loves to tease us all. It just makes our lives sunnier and cheerful. I miss my main man, my papa.

Then my mom talked to me. She belted out the first few verse of the song "Patahlah hati!" over the phone for Budi's benefit and I could just imagine Budi turning beet red right that second. I was cracking up. My family, ladies and gentlemen... you just gotta love them. I miss them so much :(. As always, my mom filled me in on the latest happenings at home. It's great to have these girl to girl chats with my mom. She will never fail to say to me "Your papa is a nice man. He is so good to me." And I'd give my popular feedback of "You think??!! Of course la...." Hehehehhe... I love seeing my parents together because they are so happy and so loving and so..all the nice things... My dad keeps my mom young because he is always young at heart. So full of laughter and always spreading cheer and joy to those around him. And my mom is the perfect companion for him. Quoting my dad, "she is like a ray of sunshine. She makes my days sunnier and she illuminates a room just by her presence". So accurate were my dad's words.

Wow...look at me! Give me 5 minutes to talk about my family and I will use up 2 hours describing how much I love them and how great they are. So I'd better stop now. I get so passionate when it comes to my family. It is just how it is and will always be.

They are the air that I breathe..
They are the blood in my veins..
The are the life in me.
They are my everything.

God, give me strength to overcome my laziness... Why is it so hard for me to do my thesis? Is it because I have dedicated more than half my life to my studies that I can no longer stomach it? Whatever the reason, I just can't afford to take the risk of not handing it in. This is my life I'm gambling with.

Well, today is a new month and I have approximately a month and a half before the DEADline... Promised myself to atleast do a bit today so I will. Brains...work with me now!! But before that, a bit on what 'life' had in store for me today.

Hmmm... nothing extraordinary happened. Went to town with Nurul and bought the week's ration. Ooohh...I got more computer books from the 1 pound bookstore (my laptop has no pound sign so bear with me). 1 pd ~ RM6!!! I got computer books for RM6 each!! Can you imagine that!!??!! That is like so damn cheap. In Malaysia, you can only get Wanita or Perempuan for that amount (if I'm not mistaken). Or maybe just the 'cover' of a computer book...heheh... Not a whole 300 page, hardcover, released in the year 2000 book. I mean... how cool is that? So there I was carrying as many books as my arms would permit regardless of the subject area. No one can buy too many books. So what if I won't read them or have absolutely no use for them or the books are entirely unrelated to my studies?? I could always display them nicely in my to-be-built- home library. :D Ooohhh... I'd be the envy of Pae and As! Hehehe... But seriously, I'll make the time to read the books and learn something out of them. Hey, I'm a self-proclaimed computer nerd. Not that I'm a computer whizz or anything like that but I do love computers.

Tomorrow I might be cooking laksa for Eppa. She just recovered from chicken pox and I know how devastating it is to get it at this age. Thank God I got mine when I was 9. Even then, some scars still remain due to my non-stop scratching despite the knowledge of scarring later on. I was 9... beauty was not my major concern... the irritating itch was. Anyway, being the good friend that I am (I can see my friends rolling their eyes right now), I invited her over. Plus, I haven't seen her since I came back from Malaysia.

Well... Nurul just called. Told me she had trouble with her room phone. Kept getting disconnected while on the phone with Ajak, her guy. Well... don't get me started on the topic of boyfriends. Hehhehe... I'll leave that until one fine day. :P And now, to the torture chamber once again (or maybe not again..maybe...for the first time..:D).

Well... I'm not sure where this entry will go. Hmm.. didn't care to take the time to read the 'how to' instructions provided so just followed the steps without much thought. I mean, this can't be so difficult...can it? If I'm not mistaken (if...note the uncertainty), this will be my first blog entry. So here goes...

As always, I was finding ways and excuses to NOT do my thesis so I was just fooling around with the browser... searching for my friends name on the web. And guess what? I found that the great Asmadi Othman has a blog site...Fuyoooo!!! hehehhe.. and he didn't even tell me. (Shame on you As!) So, I thought, what the heck.. I have nothing better to do (thesis is sooo NOT something better to do) I might as well start up my own site to ramble on about my monotonous and routine life. No one will read it anyway. Just my way of atleast getting my brains to work even if it is to construct meaningless sentences on the net which no one will read.

So.. I'm not gonna ramble on long. Curious on how this will turn out. So, I'll end here and check out my new blog site. (everyone...all together now..."Ooooohhhhhhh!!!")